With the upcoming release of Star Wars Episode II, Attack of the Cliche, the world is asking one question: "Will it recapture the spirit of the originals?"  Well, that's the question being asked by the small portion of the world who hasn't read one of the online scripts. Those who have are probably asking questions such as "Will dressing like Boba Fett get Julie to go out with me?" or "Will Natalie Portman be a hottie in a dominatrix outfit?"

    And while these are both valid questions (to which the answers are "No" and "Yes" respectively), it is the recapturing of the original spirit that will ultimately determine the fate of the movie's success with fans of the series.

    And the only true way to tell if it follows in the footsteps of the original trilogy is to see if it follows the Universal Jedi Pit Weakness Theory.

    This theory, which runs throughout the entire series but is most pronounced in the original three, states that a Jedi is only truly vulnerable when in the presence of a pit or pit-like object.  Whether ithas to do with a gravitational effect of lightsabers or some all-encompassing mitichlorean fear of heights, it is a simple fact of existence in the Star Wars universe that Jedi inevitably meet their downfall in some relation to a pit - not unlike Wile E. Coyote.

Examples from the movies, in order of their release:

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope...

    - Obi Wan gets struck down in the hangerbay, which contains a docking-pit. Luke witnesses this from across the mouth of the pit, providing a glimpse into his own Jedi future.

    - Luke, not yet a true Jedi, swings over a massive pit while carrying his not-quite-force-sensitive-but-still-looks-good-in-a-slave-girl- outfit sister.  Both are spared a grisly end thanks to their inexperience with the force, and a little bit of incestuous luck.

    - Darth Vader, a force-powered uber-pilot, is mysteriously unable to whup up on his weenie son and gets blown off course by a two-bit smuggler, all because he's in the presence of the exhaust port (or rather, exhaust PIT).

Star Wars Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back...
 

    - Yoda can attribute his incredible age to having moved to a planet with swamps and no pits whatsoever.

    - Luke gets his hand lopped off while over a mighty huge pit in the Cloud City.

    - In a classic failing, Luke was unable to use any of his jedi levitation tricks while falling through the pit.  But once he's hanging onto an antenna, he's technically on a ceiling, and is able to use his telepathy to incestuously call for his sister.

Star Wars Episode 6: Return of the Jedi...

    - The Rancor Pit was dangerous until Luke reached the bottom, at which point it was effectively a Rancor Room.  (Either that or else the Rancor was actually a Jedi...)

    - Luke's kicking ass on Jabba's Skiff, until he gets shot in the hand. Only then does he realize that he's actually over a pit (the Sarlacc Pit, to be exact; a pit so badass they put "pit" right in the name).  At that point, he starts being much more cautious.

    - Boba Fett, despite not actually being a Jedi, falls into the Sarlacc Pit after taking a lucky shot from a blinded Solo.  One can only assume that this is the Force taking its toll from him rather than Luke, and using the Pit as its chosen avatar.

    - The Emperor's true downfall was the hubris that lead him to build his inner sanctum over a pit.  Dead.

    - Darth didn't die due to his suit's life-support system giving out.  He had just spent a lifetime around the pit-themed architecture of the Republic/Empire, and it was all catching up to him.
 

    - "Giant fish coming to eat us?  No problem; there's not a pit in sight!"

    - "Uncountable armies of robots?  No pits, no problem!"

    - Three Jedi enter a room with a pit, one Jedi leaves.

    By this view, it would seem that Episode 1 should have been more successful; this was Lucas' assumption.  But he failed to take a few matters into account:
 

    - When chased by the giant fish, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were both roughly located at the center of the Earth, which would put them in one of the deepest pits available.

    - The Jedi Counsel resides at the top of one of Corrscant's many Fucking Huge Buildings, which really just means it's at the edge of a pit that surrounds the entire building.

    - There are multiple scenes involving Jedi and pits, and only in one occasion does this result in the death of any Jedi whatsoever.  In particular is the Senator scene, which takes place in what can only be called The Senatorial Pit, at least one force-user is in the prime of their social game.

    With this, we can see why Episode 1 felt like such a letdown to the hardcore fan.  One could even say that it was the pits.

    We can only hope that Episode 2 returns to the Pit tradition.  Maybe Yoda or Windu will display some weakness from a pit.  Perhaps we will find Anakin's descent into the Dark Side is also pit-related.  And if not, we can at least take comfort in Natalie Portman wearing dominatrix gear.